They have a show on TLC called “17 and Counting”… meaning 17 kids!
Well, they had their 18th kid today; her name is Jordyn-Grace. I added her to our hospital list and told Renee (our pastor’s secretary) it was Charlie and Mazie Hill’s daughter’s daughter.
It was hilarious! Until I got busted.
Renee called Charlie and he told them the baby’s name was not Jordyn-Grace, it was Kevinette.
Ehh, it was good while it lasted!
Could you imagine having 18 kids? And all their names start with the letter “J”. Whhaaaaa????
If you are bored at work play this fun game called “Name That Duggar” from the Discovery Health website. Click on Mommy and Daddy Duggar’s Faces to Play!
Enjoy!
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Today I was visiting the 4 year old CDC class at church (my favorite class!). It was play time when I dropped in and they were playing House… yes, I meant to capitalize that… because they were not playing house they were playing House… like House, MD….
They got us in a tv mood so Cameron thought he would play Ty Pennington and do his version of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition… Extreme Makeover: Potato Edition.
We were on a limited budget so we were not able to make over the potato’s left ear, arm, or foot.
And I guess if you really wanna be the TV Guide tv critic you could point out that the potato’s nose is crooked and his right arm is really his left arm on backwards.
But you should probably just let it slide because after all the show is produced by 4 year olds. Like Director Extraordinaire, Ashton…
He took a moment away from listening to the playback on the monitor to pose for this picture.
I can’t wait until tomorrow when we do our version of 24!
The following takes place between 1 P.M. and 2 P.M.
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NAP TIME.
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Tonight was the Upward Awards Program for this fall’s soccer and football programs at Ridgedale Baptist. Along with games and prizes there was also entertainment. This year it was Ben Roy. He is the Bill Nye the Science Guy of Chattanooga. He does all kinds of experiments and blows stuff up. The kids really liked it when he blew stuff up.
He also had a Tesla Machine.
When he first got there before the program while we were still getting set up he came up to me and said, “Hi, I’m Ben Roy and I’m the performer for tonight’s awards show… Is there a door close to the stage I can bring my stuff in?” “Uh, yeah, there are doors pretty much all over, what do you have, is it heavy, is it wide? Do you need double doors or is a single door okay?”
And the whole time I had no idea who he was, I figured he was the entertainment but I didn’t know what he did… I figured he was probably an illusionist.
So when he said, “Well, I’ve got a Tesla Machine,” I about freaked out. I had just watched The Prestige and if you have seen it you know that the Hugh Jackman magician character had a Tesla Machine and it made an exact duplicate of him every night to end the show.
CRAZY!
Turns out it was just one of those balls of electricity things from Spencer’s or somewhere where you touch it and your hair stands up, kind of…. but more powerful. At the end of the show he let John Lemons, Rec Minister extraordinaire, hold a big, long flourescent light bulb while he shot out enough voltage to light it up. It was pretty awesome. We turned the lights down and the picture you see is what we saw.
AWESOME!
If you have an Upward Awards Night or you think your grandma’s nursing home would like a cool science show from Chattanooga’s very own Bill Nye the Science Guy, you should definitely go to his website at
A few weeks ago I had my appendix removed and was paid absolutely NOTHING for it. I have heard stories of out for a night on the town and then waking up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney but I thought that was just a myth. Until I went to East Ridge Hospital. I went to with my body fully intact only to wake up appendix-less.
What’s worse is they didn’t give me a dime for it… not a dime. Terrible.
And now it’s getting worse. Over the last week I have been receiving lots of different bills in the mail for the procedure they did. WHAT??? Not only did they not pay me for the “goods” they took, they now want to try to charge me for “services” they completed?
First of all, if they were so proud of the services they were providing, why did they dope me up and put me to sleep so that I couldn’t see or hear anything that was happening? Exactly!
But they can’t outsmart me… To counteract their constant sending of separate bills, each seeming to increase exponentially in value, I have planted a giant, crazy, fast-growing flowery vine to cover up my mailbox. If the mailman can’t see it he won’t be able to deliver my medical bills. It’s a pretty foolproof plan.
If it doesn’t work I guess I’ll have to get a huge hide-a-key rock.
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*This week a remake of late 90’s hit Beverly Hills, 90210 aired on the CW. It inspired me to write this letter to network.
Dear CW,
I was just wondering… If you are going to be remaking shows from the 90’s why did you choose 90210? Why not Unsolved Mysteries? There are lots of unsolved mysteries. Lots. People love that show. And you could probably use the same actors…
Sincerely,
Kevin K Lewis
*I was thinking I might want to shave my beard off and maybe just keep a Hulk Hogan moustache for a while. I was also thinking that I might want to join Match.com but I realize that I can’t do both.
Ironically, it is logic like that should make me an attractive mate.
*I have been watching the Republican National Convention all week and I am bummed I couldn’t be there. It would have been a great opportunity to wear my cowboy hat.
*Speaking of the Convention, did you hear Sarah Palin’s speech Wednesday night? Ahh, it was amazing. She is so pretty. Oh, and smart, she sounds really smart. And I’m sure she is a great leader and has great values but when it comes down to issues that really matter, she is pretty.
Did you see her blow a kiss to me? Did you? She blew a kiss to ME… it was… a moment, we had a moment. I spent an hour Thursday at work trying to find the clip on YouTube. I showed the whole office. The secretaries, the ministers, Agnus from the kitchen, Eddie Joe, Brother Bill, and any random church member who happened in the office. They all agreed that she was blowing a kiss at me.
I spent the next two hours trying to convince our media guy Crash to drop everything he had planned to do to and dub in “I love you, Kevin” and otherwise edit the video so I could brag to my grandkids that the almost Miss Alaska 1984 was totally into me.
He never did seem to find the time but I did manage to muster the skills for this picture…
WOOO! It still gives me chills!
*Planning Ahead.
Pudding. Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
*With the Republican National Convention taking center stage this week it is easy to let the Democrats slip to the wayside, but not here on KevinTheCoolGuy.com, you can count on me to keep you update impartially. For example, have you read this latest story about Barack Obama?
Interesting, huh? He has been listed at 10,000 to 1 odds to get the job. Anyone want to take that bet?
*And one last thing, some in the media are saying that maybe Sarah Palin shouldn’t be running for Vice President when she has a young baby to raise at home. Well, I am not trying to tell you what to think about that or how to vote, but just know that she has this taken care of… her 7 year old daughter Piper has it under control…
Hmm, putting the older kids in charge of watching the younger kids while you run for VP… good management skills if you ask me. Where’d she get the experience to run that big family of hers? By being a mayor of a town almost three quarters of that size earlier in the decade…
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As you all know I am a HUUUUUGGGGEEE Olympics fan. I watched it all day, EVERYDAY for almost 3 weeks straight. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, if Best Fan were an Olympic event I’d win gold medal for sure. But sadly it is not so all I have to show for my long hours are bags under my eyes and a month’s worth of poor work performance.
Anyway, the Olympics are over and they were a huge success. Michael Phelps, who is my favorite Olympic athlete from Athens, lived up to the hype and won an amazing 8 gold medals. Not only has no one ever won more in one Olympic Games -EIGHT- but he also now has 14 gold medals overall, more than anyone else in history! He also holds 7 world records and eats like a horse. Like 7 horses.
Maybe you saw this Story on Good Morning, America about “The Phelps Diet”
He eats. A lot. But he burns it all off because he swims to France every day so I saw the story and, like you, thought, Dang, he eats a LOT of food, and then went back to watching the Olympics.
And then I saw him in an interview talking about how after he leaves Beijing he is not going to get in the pool for at least 4 months. He’s gonna take it easy, relax and just enjoy himself. He’s not gonna swim laps, he’s not gonna run, he’s not gonna lift weights, he’s just gonna sit around his house and relax.
Which is cool and all well and good but this is what he eats:
Author's Approximation via the Denny's menu
and that’s just for breakfast!
For lunch he eats a pasta feast
Author's Approximation via iStockphoto
And then there’s dinner, which is a lot of food too. (just imagine it, I can’t be Googling all day!)
The point is that’s a lot of food, a lot of food that he burns off… now. But if he just sits around doing nothing all day then he is not gonna look like this very much longer:
He is gonna look more like this…
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wait for it…
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wait for it…
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Michael Phelps: In 4 Months
Author's Approximation via his psychic visions
SEE!!! YIKES!!!!!
This is what is going to happen to him! He is going to be at his house relaxing and eating. And eating. And eating. He is going to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas all the while NOT SWIMMING. He is gonna get fatter. And fatter and fatter and fatter.
Notice his body hair. Since he is not swimming anymore he no longer has a need to shave his entire body which leads to, uhh… hairiness. Lots and lots of hairy.
He has refashioned all those gold medals into a giant gold cross and chain that he wears everyday. And his Speedos. He is still sponsored by Speedo.
And the moustache… well, I can’t explain the moustache.
Now, this is not a science but I am pretty sure my Author’s Approximation is close. I would love to see your Reader’s Approximation of what you think Michael Phelps will look like in 4 months. Then we can all check back with each other in 4 months time and compare.
As you know from my Facebook Photo of the Day, I am the best baby-sitter in the world. The world people. The world.
Today I watched Shepherd for a little bit while Hope was doing some office work. Since she is a stay-at-home mom I assume that “office work” probably meant Facebook. Anyway, while she was working I was watching Shep.
As you can see I am a very good baby-sitter. I have very progressive techniques. Here you see me implementing the “story time while on an air hockey table bed” technique I picked up while I was a manny in Canada. It’s awesome, the air blowing up through the holes cools his back and the whirl of the fan calms him. He also enjoyed the story, which was about a Duck named Steven who was from French-Quebec. Kids love French-accented duck quacks.
I guess it was the combination of not wanting Shepherd to be bored, my obsession with the Olympics, and the convenience of the equipment in the rec center that inspired our afternoon play time. Really, I guess it was all Shepherd’s idea. He was the first to grab the air hockey stick.
So I played him a game or two.
And then, in a sporting mood, I thought it would be fun to teach him to swim. On the air hockey table. His dad hates swimming (which I don’t get at all) so really it was just to spite him. With the air shooting through all the tiny holes on the table it was a cool mix between swimming and indoor skydiving. Chad will be glad to know that Shepherd was swimming back and forth with no problem and really seemed to love it!
And then I thought I would go all out and teach him to play soccer. He is too small to take him outside and kick a ball around but he is the perfect size to play foosball.
Just like Uncle Kev, he is the goalkeeper.
“THEY SHOOT! THEY….”
“OHH!! SHEPHERD SAVED IT!!!”
You might be asking how Hope knew that I’d be a good baby-sitter…
Okay, a lot of you are wondering what’s going on with this picture:
Well, I hurt my neck. How did I hurt it you may ask…
Well, you know, just the usual way, same as everybody, nothing special, you know, it just kinda happened during a slam dunk contest against middle schoolers in an inflatable basketball court.
Yeah… I know. I’m an idiot.
But don’t think of it as me being an idiot, think of it as me being a good friend to chiropractor Dr. Drew Parker. I’m helping build his business. Helping pay for his new building. And his new car. Helping to put his daughter through college.
Yeah… I know. I’m an awesome friend.
*Okay, I’ve helped Dr. Drew and now I need YOUR help. Starting Saturday I am off on my Imagication. I know, I can’t wait!
A few months ago I coined the term “staycation”… a stay at home vacation. You’ve probably heard Stephen Colbert use the term, or NPR, or maybe even your very own mom. And I’m okay with that because with all the royalties I’m making off of their use of “staycation” I’m able to take my very own, and in many ways better, IMAGICATION! An imagication, pronounced ee-madge-eh-cation, is an imaginary vacation. It is, besides an all-inclusive Disney cruise, by far the best way to vacation. The only limit is your imagination. You can go ice fishing in Antarctica. You can go mountain climbing in Tibet Bear Grylls-style to the tip-top of Mount Everest. You can go wrestle crocodiles in Australia with Steve Irwin’s ghost. You can go to Six Flags Over Georgia your Aunt Kathy. You can go ANYWHERE! You can do ANYTHING!
I’ll be on my imagication Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday which means I can go FOUR different places. Each day I will blog about my adventures in the places you suggest. Do you wanna hear about my trip to New York City where I was mugged by a blind homeless man and set up a booth outside CVS pharmacy where me and the naked cowboy painted tourists’ faces with melted lipstick and Q-tips to earn enough money to pay for my hotair balloon ride home? Well, all you have to do is suggest it and maybe I’ll pick it.
Get your suggestions in via comment here at KevinTheCoolGuy.com or via Facebook comment or message. Let me know via MySpace or Email. You can call me or text me or you could send me a carrier pigeon, it doesn’t really matter your method, it only matters that it is fun.
I’ll include as many pictures as possible and who knows, I might even take you along with me. My bags are packed, my passport is tucked away in my “secret” undershirt belt, and I can’t wait to set off on my very own Imagication!
*I started a fire with my toaster and a burger bun tonight. Oester should not have width recommendations, they should have width restrictions.
*On imDb.com today there was a story titled “Moss Refuses to Stop Smoking” about supermodel Kate Moss and her refusal to quit smoking in spite of the health risks smoking is known to cause. Umm, she is a cocaine addict, a crackhead, weighs about 47 pounds, and is for sure crazy and your biggest concern is that she smokes a pack a day? Really?
*This past week our church sponsored a World Changers crew, which means we brought them lunch everyday and hung out with them when we could. Here’s a picture of the crew:
There was this one girl from Arkansas, Courtney, who had a broken elbow that she got the day before she came playing softball. She was really tough. Apparently sliding into home she slammed into the catcher and it shattered her elbow. She had a cast that we all signed.
Note how in Arkansas casts are made of Ace bandages.
*My brakes on my Jeep are bad. Real bad. They have needed to be replaced for a while. If you have ridden with me in the last two or three months and we came to a stop… well, that was just a coincidence because my brakes were padless, they were metal on metal on metal on metal.
So on Friday afternoon Justin and Bill and I changed my brakes. Here is a picture of us working:
and this is Bill helping:
and I am was also there to help:
As you can see, my brakes were REALLY worn (check out those grooves)
Here’s what the new brake rotor and pads look like:
Let’s see them side by side:
Later you’ll see that I did actually do some work:
And then Justin came behind me and fixed it.
We got finished in no time and now when I stop you don’t hear anything… which makes me nervous, I mean how do I know they are working if I don’t HEAR them working???
*SHARK WEEK is coming SOON!!! I. Cannot. Wait.
One of my favorite parts is the Shark Attack Re-enactment like in this video:
“They pulled me into the boat and, ahh, I looked down and my leg was gone…”
They film these re-enactments in the ocean. Where sharks live. That doesn’t make sense, that’s like re-enacting a house fire survival story in a house that is on fire. And what if the re-enactor actually gets attacked by a shark while filming the re-enactment? Is there a code word to let people know what is happening.
Think about it, what if they are filming and the re-enactress is doing the scene and then she is like, “AHHH!!! I’m being EATEN by a shark! AHHH! HELP!!!! AHHH!! NO, REALLY, I’M BEING EATEN BY A SHARK! AHHH!!! HELP!!! AHHH!!” Do you think the director is like, “That’s not in the script… come on, people stick to the script! Okay, let’s start from the top. Kathy… Kathy? Hey, where’s Kathy? Where did Kathy go?…”
*
I am a mechanical genius. This morning my jeep wouldn’t start. After a few Google searches I figured it was because the starter got wet last night when I washed it at the 3 dollar car wash. Soooo, I fixed it with a hammer and an oscillating fan.
Also Justin came over and jumped off my dead battery.
*We’ve started a recycling program at church, which has made us all pretty environmentally conscious. We’re all trying to reduce, reuse, and recycle. For example, I really don’t want to use styrofoam plates if I don’t have to so the other morning I made a plate out of… well, I’ll just show you:
A Post-it Note Plate. Genius, huh? And it’s so easy! You start the morning by jotting “Don’t forget to eat breakfast… it’s the most important meal of the day!” on a few post-it notes. Then a little bit later you eat your delicious breakfast of toasted cinnamon raisin bread or whatever using your post-it notes as your plate. Then when you’re done you just toss your “plate” in the recycling bin. It’s genius!
NOTE: Not recommended for cereal.
*Sometimes I think about stuff. Crazy stuff, stuff like: I wonder who invented spitting? Or Who invented blowing your nose?
Which makes me think of something else I have always wondered. What did they used to use to symbolize a good idea before Edison invented the light bulb? For example, what popped over Edison’s head when he thought of the light bulb?
And don’t say “latern”and think you have it solved… what popped above their heads when they invented the latern? Or fire? What popped over their head when they invented fire?
It’s probably all moot anyway… when did they invent cartoons?
*Every so often in the office people will bring breakfast. Something they made or leftovers from a meeting or something. I walked in the other morning and we had a spread of stuff.
Let’s take a closer look at that box on the right:
That’s communion bread. Somebody brought in the leftover bread from The Lord’s Supper. That ain’t right, just snuck it in like we wouldn’t notice. Bagels and donuts and communion bread.
It wasn’t all bad I guess, I ended up making a Communion Bread Toast Crunch cereal.
I'm not sure what I dreamed about last night -Algebra, Earth Science, P.E. or what- but I woke up with GIANT zits on my forehead AND nose. 14 hours ago
I'm eating leftover Mexican with a grapefruit spoon in my pjs watching House. Not a bad way to end a 12 hour workday. 1 day ago
Hannah MADE me and her dad play keepaway with a little football. We felt kind of bad but she MADE us. He pushed her down at no extra charge. 1 day ago
