A Public Apology To The Yellow Deli

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So I have my first Angry Reader. Or at least the first who has confronted me in public anyway.

This past Sunday I was confronted by a worker/member/follower of the Yellow Deli. Last October I had taken a picture with her and her daughter and had lovingly referred to her daughter as my “Cult Girlfriend”.

I made jokes about Laura Ingalls and how we met on CultHarmony.com.

Read about it by clicking on the photo below.

NOTE: I have replaced their faces with Laura Ingalls’ face so as to not offend them again.

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Yellow Deli Apology

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Anyway, she came up to me and let me know she was none to happy that I had said she was in a cult.

It went kind of like this:

SETUP: My mom and I were down at The Chattanooga Market hanging out and we were looking for something to eat. We went to the back corner where most of the food was. There was music playing on the stage and we were listening to it while talking over what to get. I said something about my cult girlfriend’s mom being at the Yellow Deli and just as I did she looked up. I told my mom it looked like she was looking at me.

Then she started walking towards us and I made a joke about her coming over to say hi. I looked up at the stage for a couple of seconds and looked back in her direction and she was staring right at me and she looked kind of upset.

I said to my mom, “I think she is coming to talk to me. And she looks mad. Crap, I knew I should have worn those puffy pants.”

That was a joke about the pants they wear. It was funny to my mom.

Anyway, she walked right up to me and we had this conversation:

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Her: You aren’t going to eat at the Yellow Deli are you, you know that’s a cult….

Me: You do have delicious sweet tea.

Her: (not amused she continued) I can’t believe you took a photo of me and then said I was in a cult.

Me:(confused as to what was happening) Huh?

Her: I am so offended! SOOO OFFENDED!

Me: (at first off guard but then catching my mental breath) I’m sorry…. but you know why I said that, right… I mean, everyone says that… that was part of the joke…

Her: I am just so offended! I can’t believe you did that!

Me: (not knowing what to say and not wanting to get into a giant argument with Laura Ingalls’ mom I tried to pacify her) Well, I’m sorry you are offended.

Her: I just can’t believe you did that. I can’t believe it. It is so offensive.

Me: (still wanting to end the conversation) Well, thanks for reading my site…

Annoyed at me she stormed off.

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I feel like his issue was not resolved for her, and that she is still upset with me. So I feel like I should publicly apologize to her, and explain why I made the cult jokes.

First of all, I am very sorry… I thought you knew you were in a cult.

I base this on the fact that…. you lived communally, turned over all your worldly possessions to The Yellow Deli, wore baggy Laura Ingalls pants, and changed your name from Cindy to a Hebrew Hippy name aka “cult name”.

Secondly, I did not say you were in a cult…. reporters, religious leaders, and concerned parents said you were a cult. I was only quoting “common knowledge” calling you a cult, kind of like saying “chocolate is delicious” or “lefthanded people eat babies.” That’s just common knowledge.

That I am quoting.

Here are some links including Wikipedia.com, which we all know is the most reliable source of information on the interweb, that talk about the cultage of The Yellow Deli. Of course you can just google “Yellow Deli” and see what pops up.

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WIKIPEDIA

TIMES FREE PRESS

CULT NEWS

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I mean… you made “cult news”…. I’m just saying…

But, again, I am not calling you a cult, I am simply quoting common knowledge and making a joke based on that.

I am sorry that you were offended and I hope that you will continue to read my site. I mean it’s kind of cool to be able to say that I have a “Cult” Following….

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6 Responses to “A Public Apology To The Yellow Deli”

  1. John your old boss Says:

    I CANNOT believe that you said that lefthanded people eat babies. I am SOOOO OFFENDED!!!

  2. Mamamia Says:

    Hey Big K,

    I’m so proud of you too! For having a “cult” following. Who knew it would happen so quickly? ha

    One thing tho. You failed to say “thanks, Mom, for not saying ‘but ya’ll are a cult'”. I know you’re happy I just stood there in amazement at her aggressiveness and kept my mouth shut. “you’re welcome” and I love you more than your “cult girlfriend” does. That’s a promise.

  3. liza Says:

    Love it love it love it!

  4. Mrs. Michaels Says:

    Dear Mr. Lewis,

    I am SOOO Offended!!! I happen to be married to one of those “lefthanded baby eaters”.
    Amends will be accepted in the form of money or chocolate.

  5. Denise Matteau Says:

    I think you probably were unaware, when you made the jokes, of what is happening to people who are members of, or even friendly with, groups called “cults”.

    That Yellow Deli group has been through absolute hell and if all you do is read the flimsy mainstream headlines once in a while and enjoy just going to their restaurant, you could be unaware of what can happen to someone who is referred to as a “cult” member. The people in that community have experienced their members being violently kidnapped and they are stalked even today by vigilantes, and so you were being very frighttening with those remarks, even if you were only joking.

  6. a mom Says:

    My child is now a member of this group. If not for finding these people he would be in jail, dead, or possibly living on the streets. He was not forced to join them. He comes home to visit and I visit him regularly. He is happy, healthy, and finally at peace with himself. If you had jokingly posted a photo with him, I would also be offended. These are kind people. You apologized but it wasn’t sincere.

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