Scripps National Spelling Bee 2009

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I am still alive, and to prove it I would like to make jokes that I could have only made tonight after watching the Scripps National Spelling Bee LIVE on ABC tonight. I would like to make these jokes before Jimmy Fallon or one of the other late night show guys do.

Jimmy, notice how I used your name and not the other guys, you’rrrrrrrrrrrrrre welcome.

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*Anyway, tonight was the Scripps National Spelling Bee LIVE on ABC. The contestants were….

Ramya Auroprem, Serena Laine-Lobsinger, Kyle Mou, Aishwarya Pastapur, Kennyi Aouad, Sidharth Chand, Tussah Heera, Neetu Chandak, Anamika Veeramani, Tim Ruiter, Kavya Shivashankar.

Actually, I’m not sure I spelled those names right… I mean, no “Mike Jones”? No “Mary Smith”? Must I name my child “Aishwarya” or “Sidharth” to insure they are a good speller? Really?

Okay…. fine, I’ll do it! Wait, can you cut-and-paste names on birth certificates?

(Version 2 of same joke, it’s just the cut-and-paste part… in case you are short on time.)

Ironically, I had to cut-and-paste all those names because I could never spell them all correctly.

(Version 3… involves cue cards…)

All the names are written on cue cards and you are trying to read them off but it is NOT going well…  you say, “WHAT??? those are hard names. Look, they are hard…” you could grab the card and show people. You then say, “Get a close up of this… and hold the card up close to the camera.

Then say, “Look these names are so hard that the cue card guys had to cut-and-paste them on here…”

Just an idea…

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*The WINNER was 13 year old 8th grader Kavya Shivashankar.

The following joke is written as if Jimmy Fallon is in the audience of the press conference her and her family had afterwards.

Jimmy

Kavya

(Jimmy stands up with pad and pencil and addresses the champion and her family) Hi, I’m Jimmy Fallon… I have a couple of questions…

Kayvaya Shivashaunker… Kaveyan Chiveshinker …. Am I pronouncing that right? Kuyvha Shivandhangar…

Kavya… Shivashankar

Uhh, okay… Kaviya Shivenshinkar…. Coveyan Shillahanker… Uhh, what is the country of origin?

The United States of America.

America?…. Yeah…. no, yeah… of course… sorry. Okay, so Kevyes Shinshrinker… Kanye Shavedbanker…uhh, sorry, is there an alternate pronunciation?

No… no… that’s pretty much the only pronunciation…

Kayla Saltshaker…. Tanya Shimmyshaker… I’m sorry, could you use that in a sentence?

Kav-ya Shiv-a-shankar is the Spelling Bee Champion!

(Jimmy looks at the camera) Wow, she is already talking about herself in third person like Mike Tyson. I wonder how long until she gets a face tattoo…

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene!

*One of my favorite parts of the whole competition was the “word in a sentence” portion of questions the contestants are able to ask about each word. This year they decided to make all the sentences entertaining for the audience, and sometimes completely ridiculous. Instead of saying, “The steak was delectable.” They would say, “Fred Flintstone preferred to eat his dinosaur rump medium rare because he said it made it more delectable.”

For serious. My favorite was for the word “MALADROIT”. It means socially awkward. When Tim Ruiter asked them to use “maladroit” in a sentence they said, “Tim Ruiter is suuuuuuuper maladroit…eeey. You are a maladroit. Very. Like a lot.”

*The biggest joke of all is that I actually DVR’d Scripps National Spelling Bee 2009 and watched every second of it. I even rewound it a couple times and watched them spell the words again. I, it turns out, am the maldroit.

Crap… I think I spelled that wrong….

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Okay, I hope that appeases you and buys me another few hours to put up my Photos of the Day from the last few days. I have been very super busy this week doing all kinds of work and workness. Thanks for your patience and if it makes you feel any better, you should know that all of my backyard flower beds look pretty amazing.

Well…. not amazing… but definitely amazing-ish.

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