Let’s Get a Physical… Physical… Physical

Originally Posted 09oct2009

-09oct2009- Let's Get a Physical


Since Ashley and I got engaged there have been a more than the normal amount of CarFax commercials on, which has gotten Ashley to thinking…

If it is such a big deal to check out what might or might not be wrong with a car you are about to buy, how much more important is to get a “CarFax” for your future husband?

A fairly big deal, is what she decided.

So today I went and got a yearly physical at Dr Crazy Hair Pirate Ship‘s office. He is the coolest doctor ever, I’d like to state that upfront, even if he made me come in at 7 am on my day off.

My favorite part about Dr Pirate Ship is his unconventionality which at this point does not even include the fact that his office is decorated like a pirate ship. I have never had a real yearly physical, in fact, the last “physical” I got was in high school and I’m pretty sure my mom just got her dentist to  sign the sheet of paper my school required.

I called my mom and found out her dentist has retired, which is how I ended up at Dr Pirate Ship’s office at 7am on my day off.

“You don’t have Signa do you? I hate them.” was the first thing he said to me as he unlocked his front door.

“Uhh, no… UnitedHealthcare or something, I think, but not Signa… why?”

“I hate them, they never pay when they are supposed to if they pay at all, they are all crooks and I don’t take it anymore.”

I don’t know if he was watching Michael Moore’s latest movie “Sicko” on the DVD player in his convertible on the way in or if he was just usually fired up about insurance companies, including mine which he only sort of hated, but I didn’t want to get into that discussion at 7:03am so I just nodded and agreed.

He led me back to an examination room, pointed to a chair, grabbed my chart, and as he sat down in his said, “How tall are you? …5’10”?”

“Uhh, no… 5’6″,” I  said.

“You’re a pretty healthy fella huh? How much do you weigh?”

“Uhh, about… 160, 165ish maybe?…” I answered looking over at the scale about 2 feet from us.

“Okay, great,” he said. “Have you had a temperature lately?”


“Okay, well, we can skip that then,” he said flipping to the next page.

Maybe I should have gone to my mom’s retired dentist afterall…


He did end up taking my blood pressure, which strangely enough ended up being a little high.

“Have you been stressed lately?” he asked.

Thinking, Uhh, right now… I said, “Yeah, you know, maybe a little bit.”

He said, “Well we should give you an EKG.”

I said, “What does that do?”

“It shows your heartbeat.”

Excited to keep the real testing going I took off my shirt like he said. He hooked me up to a bunch of wires that he had retrieved from the freezer and said after looking at a print out that my heartbeat was good and then he led me into another room where I was going to get an x-ray of my chest and lungs.

He told me to leave my shirt off and got me to put on a lead apron backwards and then he went behind a wall with a little tinted window in it. For what seemed like 5 minutes I stood without a shirt wearing a crazy mix of a paula deen apron and a bulletproof vest, backwards, when he poked his head out from behind the wall and said, “Hey, do you know very much about computers?”


And just for the record, I ended up with a clean bill of health and a little sheet of signed paper saying I had “Zero New Cavities”.


Today’s Photo Brought To You By:

If you are down at the Chattanooga Market get some of Mrs. Gladys’ Fudge.

Take it from me, I have a fudge drawer.

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